There are those amongst us who stride so boldly in the marriage equality parade, and whilst roaring the pc mantra, have the inadvertent audacity to hide behind the veil of ‘no-laws.’ You know who you are! I urge you to come out now. You think you are out but you are not, at least not until you find the capacity to fully embrace the culture of marriage and not merely preach the need for it. We have to construct this culture of marriage and it is an arduous task because as a community we have not been privy to its evolution.
Lesbian and gay couples have been denied the evolution of marriage. An evolution that is as thick as blood and as long as monkey arms. Gay marriage in all its variances remains lacking in DNA structure. Its metamorphic biography will read: ‘It wasn’t,’ ‘it may be,’ and then maybe for some ‘it will be!’ That is no way for a culture to instill itself.
This thought has been prompted by my mediation of family law disputes, break-ups, custody, support, sharing of property and debt, where I am amazed by an inherent inability to take responsibility for the duties and obligations that follow hearth, home and kids. Even more bewildering is that some find it hard to swallow the idea that their State registered domestic partnership leaves duties and obligations in the wake of its dissolution.
Once we attain our full and equal rights and I am sure we will, we will need to jump start our non-evolved marriage culture. With acute awareness it may well be possible to build a culture as if it were a land development project; plans, approvals, bricks, mortar and then sales strategy and then “whoop dee doo” - there it is and we can all move in. Ah ha; now we can marry and now everything will be fine; we will be equal to those who have lived their relationships in the realm of a marriage culture for centuries!
It is not enough to want equality and marriage, to deserve equality in marriage, as without the imbedded culture of marriage, the running of it through our veins, there will be little gained from the it’s mere institution. The attitude of our couples needs to change; to run concurrently and to reconcile with the rights we hope to receive. So please start acting equal, lift that veil of feigned prohibition and start to live as if equal rights have always been there. Treat your partner as if those rights exist … it will be best for your children and will help us all embrace the reality of marriage when the day finally comes, regardless of an expedited evolution.